February 27, 2011

scrabble anyone??

Besides actually showering, eating breakfast that led directly into lunch and then a snack....oh and putting on clothes, the only thing I've been doing today has been playing Scrabble on facebook. And listening to country tunes on CMT. Not quite sure why I never thought to play it in my birthday suit like these two bozos to my left. Perhaps one day.....I hope she put on sun screen though.

As for the country music, yeah ah....I guess I've always been in denial for actually liking the stuff. Not music. But the country kind. I really did Miranda Lambert and folks like the Dixie Chicks, Faith Hill is okay but I like the newer groups. Sugarland is good. But that song about the house that Miranda chimes away on. Awesome. I love the melody. And it's a little bit sad. For me anyways...

My couch and ottoman arrived yesterday morning. Only after they took off my front door, my closet door, a wall hanging and the light fixture hanging down. Only THEN, did it fit. Just barely though. My other option was to get the big chair and the love seat. But it all worked out in the end. And I'm very happy about it all. The rug by the ottoman is also new but that came a couple of weeks ago when I got my new pillow top full size bed that my momma nicely purchased for me. I have $203 left to pay on the couch and I haven't paid a dime on the ottoman yet. How I'd love for the furniture guy to simply say to me, "It's on the house!" but I don't live in La-La Land. I have a few relatives who live there. In La-La Land I mean. So I'm playing Scrabble.

Hours now. I wanna lay on my new couch so badly but the living room doesn't have any curtains yet to make it dark in there and I just wanna veg out in darkness. Like Elvis liked. I got new curtains in my bedroom yesterday but they don't block enough light out so we're going to return them only when they go on sale.

And that could be a long time!!! I have a short supply now left to unpack and put places. I find the whole process of packing and unpacking annoying. All of this left over shit would go into the 2nd bedroom, had I had one here. But I don't. So now it just lingers on like a bad ugly scab on your knee.

I googled dumbass and this appeared.
I'm playing one game of Scrabble with this guy named Tony C. from down south. He spelled Mississippi with only one set of "s's" and then tried to tell me that's how they really spell the state. Ah, I'm not a dumbass. No, you don't. Another game is with a dude named Mikey. No adult man should ever be called Mikey in my eyes. I have 33 Scrabble games going on. I'm even playing my own mother.

I'm feeling now like I need a nap before I watch all the OSCAR hoopla on tonight. I still need to run uptown to grab my mail too that came from yesterday. See, the apartment complex I live in does NOT have mail access. I am in rural America and all around me (the houses) all have mailboxes by the road or by their driveways. Not this complex. We got nothing for mailboxes. So the town decided whoever lives here gets a free medium sized mailbox at the local Post Office uptown. On days like we've recently experienced: blizzards and ice storms and the like... I've actually had to face the nasty elements and motor over to get my mail. Sucks ass but it's something I've accepted living in this cozy environment.

And life goes on.

February 26, 2011

nice compliment....

Logged on to facebook this AM and found this sweet note from a former coworker of mine:

Good Morning!!! The energy that you bring out everyday in your posts is wonderful! I can tell you are extremely happy in your life and it looks great on you. I couldnt be happier for you. I'm so ready for spring I could just spit!! take care my friend.....♥ 

My response back:

I never knew this kind of happiness or that life could be THIS fulfilling!!!! I go every day to my job and think "I am so blessed." Every day is something new, something I've never done before. It's so rewarding. And it's one of THE hardest jobs I've ever ever had to do. There are few meanies there but I do my best to just ignore them and carry on.... I've had bad days there but nothing compared to the shit ass call center which was daily even at the *******, that place sucked ass from the get go.

I have such an amazing amount of daily support there too.... and downsizing to such a COZY (aka SMALL) apt has been absolutely wonderful too. I'm not lying or kidding....

I've also never have enjoyed spending time with my mother so much like I have in the past 2 months....

Overall I just feel so much calmer, patience is a norm now...and my anxiety isn't high anymore either!

Who knew that moving to ******* of ALL Places to live could be just what God apparently had planned for me after all these years of trying to figure out my plan for living!!!!

Thanks for the note ♥

February 23, 2011

let's ponder over this....

And you think you have issues....
I sometimes wonder "What would Jesus do?" if he had a kid who was the Bat Boy Love Child. You know how everyone, but me, wore those hand made bracelets that said WWJD???

February 22, 2011


In mere hours (two) I will be sitting at my mom's kitchen nook eating a bowl or two or three of her delicious potato soup with mini-dumplings. She invited me to lunch. At her house. My old house. My childhood home. It's my second day off in a row. I work tomorrow at 2pm. My fridge looks nothing like her fridge. Nor do my cupboards or pantry or anything else for that matter except maybe, our toilet paper supply. We hoard toilet paper. Don't ask.

Afterward our yummy lunch, we are going to be headed to another tiny community to pay more on my soon-to-be new microfiber couch and ginormous ottoman. Her washer died and thus she needs to pick one out there too. The thing about my couch is .... last year at tax time, I got over $1500 back from Uncle Sam. Remember I didn't have much of a job. Well in 2010, my life was pretty much the same poverty stricken self that it was too. So in my mind, I had high hopes that I'd be getting approximately that much this time. So I decided to do the unthinkable and start spreading the cash around before I even knew what I was getting..... Can you hear that dreadful music???

Right. So. On February 25th, I'm getting exactly $76.00 back. Yup. Bird shit if you ask me. But, let's move on. $76 is better than nothing and it's better than having to pay IN. Anywho.... if it wasn't for my God-given artistic talent then I'd be more fucked than ever. I received a handsome check from an organization in the "city" I used to call home to create two large 16"x20" paintings -- I did this last year for them -- and they were excited and more than pleased to commission me again this year!

And I've done some other smaller commissioned paintings too. I think I have about $150 left to pay on the price tag of $689.00. But here's the thing with this quaint local shop.....

The owner is allowing me to have the ginormous ottoman thrown in with the gorgeous couch come delivery time and I can pay him monthly on it. I about crapped my pants when he said that. What other furniture joint would do that???? None.

I was born and raised in this here county on the prairie. He knows my family. And he trusts me. That's huge in my book. Trust. But I know he has a kind heart and he's a good business man. He's the same guy who sold my mom my new pillow top bed. He's the "good people" kind of people you wanna know. And trust.

So soon, I'll be putting on my Crocs and heading out the door. I'll drive 10 miles to my mom's warm house and we will eat the potato soup and gossip and discuss current events and what we thought of the Lifetime movie of The Amanda Knox story last night. And on our way we shall go....

February 21, 2011

i am what i am.

So who I am really? I haven't pondered that kind of thought for quite some time now. I guess I'm still in a fog from asking to apply for the job I currently have to finding out I got the job to writing my termination notice to my evil apartment manager ...to actually leaving that "city" to moving to rural America, a mere 35 miles west of where I lived -- very unhappily -- for nearly 13 years.

I currently live in a very small cottage of a town. A town that my mother was born and raised in. A town that I never thought in my wildest dreams I'd ever end up in. Ever. But here I am. Moved in around January 18th or so and started to "live" here January 24th with internet and cable already hooked up. I started my new job December 27th. I could have started earlier. I wish I had now. But I'm not trying to focus on any regrets.

April 1, 2009 at approximately 3:30PM after putting in a full days work, I was fired after six years, three months and 29 days. I was at a dead end gig. I hated it with a passion and there was no way of ever moving up the ladder. It was at a call center for a credit card company. I took the position back on February 10, 2003 thinking I'd be there maybe six months max. But there I was six years later. And they fought tooth and nail to NOT give me any unemployment benefits. I was unemployed for close to five months.

A part time gig working with small children hired me at the beginning of the school year that Fall. It was part time yet they wanted you to work as a full time person with no benefits and wake at the crack of insanity and be there on time at 5AM. They changed Directors three times in less than the year and three months I worked for them. And staff came and went. No one was full time yet many promised it'd go full time. It was a lot of hard work, a lot of awful office politics and a lot of bullshit. But I did enjoy some of the children. Most had very annoying mothers who felt their child was special and deserved better treatment. I disagreed with them all. I was told I had an attitude problem. I did. Wouldn't you??? I hated it there too.

End of November 2010, I received a miraculous phone call from the HR department in this tiny hamlet of a village I now call home. She urged me to apply for the new position opening up here. I didn't get too excited but how many HR directors call potential employees to apply??

About two weeks later, I was called for an interview. A few days after that, one of my friends, a former supervisor for the part time gig mentioned above, sent me a text message saying she was called for the job I had the interview for. Now I was excited.

December 14, 2010, I was offered the position. Full time status, full benefits (did I mention I lost my health insurance April 30, 2009?) and it was a wonderful place to be employed at. Lots of stuff went down. My life went from deep depression to a slap in the face-I'm wanted, I'm really wanted for a good position-Oh my God I gotta move, I gotta pack, I gotta do a ton of shit......

So it's now February 21, 2011.... in six days will mark my 2 month anniversary of being employed full time. In a town that is 10 miles away from my childhood homestead. I'm no longer attached to the place I called home for the past 13 years. I'm slowly cutting off all ties I've had with that depressing place. I had no happiness there. None. I had few friends. Real friends I mean. You know the kind you can actually DEPEND upon. I want nothing to do with the place with the children and all the mean spirited bosses there. They said they had my back. But they lied. And my anger is pretty much dissolved from that place. I now only miss like four or five kids. I really sound awful by saying that. But it's true.

I am what I am.
I am an artist.
My imagination is through the roof.
I am a friend. A good and loyal one at that.
I love a good hearty laugh.
I have a great work ethic. But I don't live to work or work to live.
My job is merely a place where I go, I work hard and I get a biweekly paycheck.
A paycheck that I get to buy goodies on ebay and at fun places to fill my home with wackadoodle gunk.
I'm a fun neighbor.
I'm an avid book reader of true crime and other nonfiction works like memoirs.
I'm an Aunt, a sister, a daughter and a granddaughter, although all my grandparents are dead.
Matilda George are the names of my Grandma and Grandpa.
Two people taken from my young life. I was 11.
I'm now learning about them at the age of 43.
I firmly believe Matilda (they called her Tillie) is my guardian angel.
I have three of them.
A psychic told me that, back in 1998.
I believe in Angels, Mary - the mother of Jesus...and many many Holy Ghosts.
And spirits.
And haunted things.
I'm hopelessly romantic, but haven't dated anyone since 2004.
He was mean. To me.
So I have up the hope.
Is that weird?
I am what I am.
You either like me or you don't.
But it kinda bugs me when people don't.
I do give second chances but never thirds.

I was with someone a very very long time ago that twisted the meaning of love for me.
I haven't heard from him or seen him since 1993.
While I don't miss him, I missed the fun, the laughter, the silliness we used to have.
I miss being protected. Even though he wasn't much of a protector.
Is it wrong for me to wish, someone is out there for me. Still?
After all these years?
I just cannot imagine that God would allow me to be single all these years without someone to love.

Right by my front door, I have hung a beautiful ceramic plague that reads HOPE. I see it when I leave the house, I see it when I come home.

2011 is the year for HOPE. For me. And all of my wishes.
This is the year for me. I just know it.

wasting the day away

Today is my day off. I woke up around 9:15AM and stayed in my pajamas till around 12:30 .... ate breakfast and lunch and remembered to take my glucose sugars. And then I have literally sat in front of the computer for the entire time playing Lexulous on facebook. I got a game going with someone in Belize, Melbourne Australia, few in Canada and someone in Missouri. Then I have many who refuse to even acknowledge that I am a human being playing a game of scrabble with them. Idiots. I have no gumption to do a damn thing today. Nada.

The ice storm has curtailed any option of leaving the house to do anything remotely fun. Like spending money or visiting my mom in her village. Everywhere it is icy and gross. And winter.

I also never got around to painting my nails. I've eaten an entire box of Girl Scout cookies too. Fuck. I've been drinking this Chinese diet tea for several months now and just ordered another box of it off of ebay for like $7.99. It works. It really works. IF you are near a toilet. That's the key ingredient. A porcelain toilet. Why you ask? Because it makes you shit. I suppose it works a lot like that new Ali drug. Cause they makes you almost shit your pants or so I'm told. But this tea is the bomb. I drink it as hot tea and as cold tea. Supposedly it works as a detox or something like that but you get the shits alright. From it. I mean. And you gotta be willing to drink it knowing you'll get the runs. I should know. I've lost 30lbs so far from it. I got about 100 to go but yeah I'm living proof.

Speaking of the shits... I am scheduled to get my very first colonoscopy done on March 14th. How fun will this be???? But it must be done and it's costing like $6,600 or more. For less than an hours time you have a tube up your ass... it's going to be roughly $7,000 to do it. But thankfully my health insurance has kicked in after nearly a year and a half without it. And my new place of employment offers a 50% employee discount of major services like that. So I won't be forking over THAT much but it'll still suck.

February 20, 2011

sunday's manic madness

Some time between 3 or 4AM this morning, lightening and thunder struck the small rural prairie town I now call home. And sometime during those same hours, lightening struck the main hospital in the "city" I used to reside in causing all the computers in this here little area to all stop working. By the time I got to work at 7AM, I was told the very same thing. No computers. Not now and probably not for my entire ten and half hours of working I had ahead of me. I also had a very annoying know-it-all ex-spinster on my shift too. Why any sane man would marry her in the first place is beyond my wildest imagination. Why any really sane man would pick her out of a zillion other chicks to marry a 2nd time really blows my mind. But there she sat. Just. Staring. At. Me. And it wasn't even 7AM.

Jesus. Mother Fucking God.

I was in no mood to deal with her yet again. Yesterday was bad enough. Nearly 11 hours of her yapping nonstop and here we go again. Sunday. The Lord's Day of Rest. And me stuck with her. Stick a hot needle right into my eyeball. Now. I dare you.

And our computers were down till who knows when. We had no radio other than the cop radio and the ambulance one. And it was already 80 degrees in our teeny tiny quarters. My only saving grace was my good pal who was also on my shift.

The day was long and tiresome. Our lights went out twice before 9:30AM. Our generator took forever to kick in. My only concern at that given moment was "I hope the ice machine doesn't shut down again." Yeah, that's all I cared about. Me chomping ice chips.

Thankfully my mom called in before lunchtime just to make sure I was okay and we were all doing alright. How I wish I could have told her how much I hate the "know-it-all" and how I just wanted to scream. But I didn't. And couldn't have anyways as she was sitting. Right. Next. To. Me.

I got home 15 minutes after I clocked out. My long four and a half days of working are over. Two days to reboot then two and half more days till my four days off are here. Did I ever tell you how much I love my new work schedule? Yeah, I love it. It's the best ever. I work 10-1/2 hr days.... I get every Monday and Tuesday off no matter what. I don't work on Wednesdays until 2pm and am off 4-1/2 hours later. Then I work every Thursday and Friday and every other weekend. Is that the bomb or what???? 7AM to 6:30PM with an hour for lunch. Awesome. Awesome. Awesome. One week I have 2 days off, the next I have 4 days off. Sure it's a hard job but it's always fun at times and very rewarding too. Except when I have to work with the Know-it-All. Everyone else are cool peeps. Well most are.

And the manic madness of the day full of ice and doom are almost over. And my relaxation will be here to enjoy and cherish.....and embrace. Now what color should I paint my fingernails this week?

cool website


February 13, 2011

life is good

....I just remembered I had a blog. I've been so busy with working and vegging and trying to figure out what my new apartment needs to remember that I just created a blog last week!!! I got a lot of cool stuff for my new home but I have no ambition to actually unpack it and put it away. Can I just say, I'm lazy.

Yesterday my mom and I took off to hit up some antique stores. We hit up one and stayed for nearly 3 hours. I was so overwhelmed and enthralled with all the treasures from ceiling to floor and two full floors of all the crowned jewels. We had a blast. I left the store with $93.09 worth of great stuff. The owners of the joint, Al & Bertha, were of amazing help. We had Bertha running up and down the stairs every time we turned around and found another smashing deal that we couldn't give up.

Next I headed to the local Dollar Tree and literally went in to buy TWO items and $15 dollars later, carried out two large baggies full of dollar discounts, including two awesome colors of nail polish. Gold and a bright purple. Awesome. Our journey took us next to the grand slam of all stores: Wally World. There I went in to only buy pillow cases for my bed. But $77.87 later...I got a microfiber comforter for $18 (what a deal!!!) and a variety of other interesting things for my bedroom.

This is a huge ass clock.
It was a spendy day. I am enclosing a photo of my new ginormous flower clock that I put in my kitchen.... 

My kitchen theme is still roosters as it has been since 2001 ... but this time am adding more farm themed items too. The counter in my kitchen is a 1970s avacado green so after seeing that when I first checked out my new digs, I decided to bring in a LOT of reds. I'll post more photos at a later date, after I get off my lazy ass to unpack more goods.

Up next is my theatre themed bathroom. I also had this creation in my old place for four years... but now with a different structure, I can add a lot more gunk too. So being the ebay whore that I am, I bought five vintage looking movie posters to add to the bottom base board area on my bathroom wall. Posters bought were several Alfred Hitchcock movies and the original JAWS movie. I think I saw that flick when I was 8 or 9 years old and am still scared to swim in dark murky areas... even though the Dakota Territory is no where near any ocean!

I came home to my cozy home yesterday totally exhausted. Wiped out. I had enough gumption to set up my new pillow-top bed with my new comforter, my new (6) pillow cases and skipped supper altogether. I was too tired to do anything but watch CSI: Miami and 48 Hours Mystery.

Life is good.

February 7, 2011


My mom shocked me this morning and took me to a local furniture store in a nearby town and bought me a brand new mattress (a pillow top kind) and box spring and metal frame $530 total...it's only a Full Size which is what I wanted OR a daybed with a trundle bed underneath... my new bedroom will not fit my queen size sleigh bed sadly and the twin bed that I had owned for 4 years which never was used.... is ungodly uncomfortable.

My mom has 3 really nice antique full beds at her house that we've picked up at garage sales or auctions and I was trying to convince her to give me one of those and I'd replace it with my queen bed. Well that apparently unnerved her to some bizarro degree and off we went to the furniture store.

My bed is coming on Wednesday morning. I also picked out a gorgeous ginormous area rug for my living room. And then went a step further and picked out a gorgeous chocolate brown microfiber couch that looks leather. A bit higher in my price range but apparently I can trade in my twin bed, my sleigh bed and mattress, box spring and the owner will take off from the couch price. Why would I ever dream of shopping anywhere else??? Plus they deliver for free!!!

The couch is another story. Another blog post. Another day.

February 6, 2011

hello world....

....I haven't decided if I shall keep this blog or not... and it's not my first either. I lost count as to how many I've started and deleted over the years.... but I did first start, very innocently way back in 2003 I believe. I'm just testing the waters. Again. And I like my new moniker as it recalls happy memories for me. Not too identifiable but enough for me to know what it is all about. And I'm not so lost and confused as I was eight years ago either. When blogging was so new to everyone and all involved. I have since moved from where it all started too. A new village, new people and old ....many know me but hardly anyone really knows the real me. I like that. Starting fresh. Being a bit mysterious. And starting with a fresh clean canvas....